Steve McQueen counts on his fingers. Impressive.
He also rides a motorcycle in a field which totally looks like fun.
James Coburn continues to remind us that he's not cool and steals a bike.
What can we learn from THE GREAT ESCAPE?
1. Don't steal bikes bro
2. Pay attention in maths class
3. Don't freak out when you're digging a tunnel and some parts of it start to collapse. Things are gonna be alright.
Tonight: MARKED FOR DEATH
Tomorrow: RAMBO RETROSPECTIVE
Chuck Norris internet meme
Chuck Norris kicks up Kung Fu's David Carradine
Things to learn from this movie
1. chuck norris thinks beer is more important than vitamins and vegetables
2. chuck norris would rather live in squalor than not
3. chuck norris should have taken steve mcqueen's advice and taken acting lessons
Tonight: Compare and contrast:DeathRace and DeathRace 2000
Tomorrow: DIRTY DOZEN
So, this is a new format for me for movie review. I'm going to sit through these movies and take periodical notes on what I see on the screen. Yes, my desired word count is going through the roof but if you don't want to read, here's the only photo I'm going to post: a watermelon 4loko colored whip gettin hyphy
disclaimer that the stunts are done by professionals and actors
the fast and the furious
awesome stunts
matching cars
constant rap/pop/alternarap/techno/numetal soundtrack
irresponsible driving through residential neighborhoods
toughguy tattoos
bikini babes
ground effects
NOS! (that's nitrous oxide, makes your car go faster)
a rapper as an actor
pink slip race
"it dont matter if you win by an inch or a mile, winning is winning"
oh shit cops are here guys
business deal goes sour and sleeping with the guys sister, both not good things
police jargon
car jargon
"this will save us 2lbs" yadda yadda car talk. things i learnt by riding a bike: if you want to shave grams, lose it from your gut first.
undercover cops
these guys seem like the type of guys that would wear axe body spray
i live my life a quarter mile at a time, for those 10 seconds or less, i'm free
i dont need handouts, i earn my way every step
disclaimer that the stunts are done by professionals
"prelude" to 2 fast 2 furious - basically the protagonist is "wanted" and he gives up his badge and gets a new car and races for cash while being hunted by cops
2 fast 2 furious
girls in dazzy dukes
rapper cast as an actor
constant rap music and breakdancing and walky dancing
ground effects (those are lights under your car)
does 35 large mean 35,000 or 3,500? is it possible to carry that much cash ($35000) without a big bag?
how can one have dialogue with someone else in another car?
COMPARE AND CONTRAST: this movie is about a closed circuit "crit" style race as the first was about drag racing a quarter mile
everybody has nos. old hat.
SWEET demolition derby
"he's crazy as hell... in a good way"
WHAT CAN WE LEARN?: watch for telegraphed punches
what they gonna do with vanity license plate: H8TR
AWESOME stunt: driving backwards on the highway
this movie has more: choppers, boats, sweet jumps, empanadas.
backwards upside down visor caps are involved
cruiser bikes in the shop. like, cruiser bicycles.
que pasa jota
pink slip race. apparently one of the cars in a "yenko" which i just googled and automatic versions of this car have been appraised at 2.2 million $$$.
TORTURE!
how often does the royal flush come up in a hand of poker? what's the probability?
cuban american standoff? like a proverbial mexican standoff?
"guns murderers and crooked cops? i was made for this, brah!" this might be the first bro/brah of the series, even though i've seen a few popped collars already.
WALLS FULL OF MONEY. mayb i should get a sledge hammer and check my house..
like 20 cop cars pile up. kind of like the original blues brothers.
there are police in flak helmets with 2 different fonts. one looks like impact another looks like helvetica. they also look like they were painted with flat black spray paint. are they available like this from the factory?
it's like critical mass (the bike thing) with cars
is no windshield better than a broken windshield?
cars jumping onto boats. cool
leave no pocket empty
FULL DISCLOSURE: the movie store didn't have the 3rd movie in the sequence but wikipedia tells me that ione actor from the first movie makes a cameo at the end. honestly, if the third movie had anything to actually contribute to the franchise wouldn't i have been able to see it on wikipedia? cmon..sonny chiba is awesome (mayb street fighter next week?) but not enough to make me watch another one of these damn movies.
with that said
THERE IS NO DISCLAIMER FOR THE DRIVING LIKE THE PEOPLE IN FAST&FURIOUS!! GET YOUR CAR AND DRIVE JUST LIKE THESE PEOPLE!
How many times have you seen a semi tanker truck with 5 tanks?
hey, remember driving backwards on a highway? yea, done TWICE in a developing country with minisemis in the first 3 minutes.
aw shit. there's a mention of the 3rd movie. crap. EDIT: there is still nothing the 3rd movie would add to this series.
parkour? and spanish rap nu metal
NOS! energy drink.
ooh. a car with a curse.
how does vin/dominic know that there was some sort of "nitro meth" at a crash site? is he a automotive forensic scientist? dude, you could make totally legit money if you did that like a regular person.
again, with the constant rap-y/popmetal-y soundtrack.
these movies show that action movie stars age like action movie stars. wtf does that even mean
apparently if you are an undercover police officer you get paid to work on your own muscle car/sweet import
FINALLY a flat/satin black car. all this candy paint gets boring. flat black, the most boring, is awesome.
so the protagonists cars are black and blue. and they are old rivals. is this a metaphor? for a bruise?
COMPARE AND CONTRAST: Movie 1:drag race, Movie 2: crit, Movie 4: point-to-point race/edit:off road rally ala baja 500
traffic in los angeles is bad
when the spoiler on the car gets broken does the mean less aero?
"hey, where do you think they're takin us?""dont matter. we're all just along for the ride now"
gunshots dont actually hurt people in this movie. is there any scientific evidence that states
personal scores to settle and professional scores to settle are just that: scores to settle.
pro tip: get the hots for the girl with a cool proprietary gadget and make sure she has the hots for you so you can track down the villan easier.
is it possible to flip a moving vehicle with 1 shotgun shot? i want to believe.
woah twist end, or is it? guess you're going to have to watch this one
CONCLUSION
here's how you enjoy these movies: suspend total belief in doing anything legitimately, everything can be done with more difficulty and your life can revolve around things that are not legal and/or safe. have a serious passion for automotive vehicles and spending exorbitant amounts of money on them. sure, gasoline is $4.50 a gallon for the cheap stuff but you also need a $10,000 computer to manually control fuel injection along with all the chrome parts. enjoy racing. enjoy losing more because some jerk is going to spend more money on their car that you can. your car will eventually get wrecked. deal with it.
What to learn:
1. ride a bicycle, so much cooler.
Tonight: Lone Wolf McQuade
Tomorrow: Compare and contrast:DeathRace and DeathRace 2000
This guy. Seems like he knows how to speak every language, knows the taste of every food, has much better everything than you. Everybody wants to be his friend and he is so much better than you are. This movie was made for people who like to see other people do 100x better than they can do. Being Flint is manly, watching this movie is not manly.